


sure to die

by Mongo00



Series: holding on (to life) [17]
Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Depression, POV First Person, POV Tyler Joseph, contemplating death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-03
Updated: 2018-03-03
Packaged: 2019-03-26 08:22:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13853799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mongo00/pseuds/Mongo00
Summary: They say to stay hopeful, but my hope is knowing that I will die.





	sure to die

**Author's Note:**

> TW: ideas/thoughts about death and suicide. Please read carefully

They say to stay hopeful, but my hope is knowing that I will die. 

Thinking of death keeps me alive. It’s comforting to know that the pain will end eventually.

Sometimes I wish death would come sooner, though. 

There are so many ways to die in our daily lives that I wonder why I haven’t yet. 

My mind sees every wire as a noose, anything sharp as euphoric, and any distance from the ground as a chance. 

My mind analyzes hundreds of ways that I could take my life everyday, yet I never act on it.

I figure that thinking about death is a coping mechanism for me to find hope. 

There’s so many ways that I could die if I wanted to. 

I could swallow the hundreds of pills in the pantry; I could hang myself from cords, wires, and laces; I could jump off a bridge; I could swerve my car off the road while driving; I could cut myself until I bleed out; I could run in front of a car; I could drown myself in a pool or bathtub.

There’s so many ways that I could die if I wanted to.

But the funny thing is: I want to. 

I want to die, so I don’t know why I keep myself from acting on it.   
_____

The idea of dying gives me hope. 

Knowing that I will die reassures me that the pain will end. 

It poses life as a challenge in order to win the ultimate prize: death. Death is peaceful, but I have to live through life to earn it.

The world is full of things that can kill me. A part of me wants to gather all of those things and have at it when another part of me wants to earn death.   
_____

I’m not quite sure. 

Maybe it’s just the fact that I don’t have the energy to do anything. It’s hard for me to even respond to texts, so what are the odds that I’ll go out of my way to die?

I want to die, though. 

I want to die, but I don’t have the energy to do it, so I’ll wait for the time to come.

And until that day comes, the idea of death will be my hope.


End file.
